If I were a guy

I would make the whole point of my life just shagging as many girls as possible.

Isn't that why we are born in the first place? To copulate, and make sure our race goes on?

I guess then I have no choice by to follow my innate nudgings, which is to have as much p***y as possible.

When people ask me why I am so swallow, I'll just look at them, frown, then cum on their faces in answer. They will be startled, not by the wetness, but by the massive size of my manhood. I think if I were a guy I'll be a respectable size, because I heard penises match egos. I will then proceed to fondle my chest hair and smirk while swaggering away in my G-star jeans.

Nice men don't realise this, or refuse to acknowledge it, but it is the bad guys who get laid all the time. The bad guys receive more TLC, the bad guys get blowjobs where the girls even swallow.

Crap about how the girls play around with the bad guys, but finally the nice guys get the chick to marry him? Sure, but that's because bad guys don't want to get married.

Who needs all that shit about bills and having to remember anniversaries? You get sexually satisfied, she even pays for her own phone bills, and she doesn't even attempt to ask you to stay faithful because you stated from the start you can't. (and in the usual case where the chick is hot, it is actually alright to stay faithful, but who cares, just make her feel more insecure)

Like Tucker Max. Hell, if I ever went to Chicago, I'll screw him. Ok maybe not *cough aids cough*... But you know, because he has screwed like a gazillion girls, and if he says I am good, then I AM GOOD.

About the age-old theory of why girls like bad boys.

Because everyone wants to feel that they are special. And superior.

I like jerks. I love them. Magically drawn to them like Cloudy to food. Plenty of nice guys like me... But I just want to be friends with them. Because I presume that they will still be around waiting in the case where I change my mind.

Let me tell you about this guy I used to like.

In the beginning, I didn't like him (not in that sense anyway), because he was not very good-looking anyway... But he was very confident of himself, and he is constantly talking about how many girls like him, and well, I was a teen then, he sang really well, and things like that mattered. *Shrugs*

So yes. My interest was baited, because I wanted him to like me. Not because I liked him, but because so many girls like him (or so he claimed), and I want to score better than any of them.

He is not a jerk per se, but he most certainly was not very nice. Whenever I am with him, he keeps a delicate balance of things. He occasionally, manipulatively, throws in actions or words to show that he is interested in me. BUT NOT ENOUGH.

Not enough to start a relationship with me. But sure, he does like me. But he is not sure how much, yadda yadda.

Therein lies the magical formula. Pulling, and letting go. At the correct times.

The cheapest of tricks, but women ALWAYS fall for it: Talk about this ONE SPECIAL EX YOU HAD.

If you have already succeeded, in the start, to bait the girl's interest, she will want to hear about your ex, because she wants to learn what kind of girls interest you.

Go on, in a slightly misty voice, about how this girl was so special - how well you guys clicked, how much you loved her, and most of all, HOW NICE SHE WAS TO YOU.

He continued by saying that unless he meets someone that special, he won't go into another relationship.

Guaranteed results. By 2 weeks or so, I was doing homework for him, cooking cutesy food, etc etc working hard to be the special girl in his life - ALL WHILE PAYING FOR MY OWN MOVIES!!!

And the thing is, he is not even good looking, rich, or whatever criteria makes guys popular!!!

Amazing or not?

Why I reacted that way? Because I thought I was the person who can change a bad boy. I thought I can make him stay faithful, and I wanted to be the special person that he acknowledges.

But girls don't realise... It is impossible to change a jerk, because the only reason why he scored you is because he is a jerk (that you, and the rest of the female population, think you can change), and he... well... likes the scoring.

Of course, I lost interest in like 4 months or so, but hell, 4 months of a girl who adores you is better than 4 months of a girlfriend, where you have to send her home, lose to her mother in mahjong, blah blah...

Now years have gone by, and of course, I have moved on and saw through this fellow's tactics. He recently broke up with his gf, and messages me very often now, while sounding all forlorn and stuff, coz well, he liked his gf a lot and blah blah ENOUGH, NONE OF MY BUSINESS I DON'T NEED TO KNOW!!! Get over it already!!

So the essential change is this: He is now needy.

I am totally turned off by him now. I cannot see why I used to be attracted to this dump, who, without his gf, became so ... loserish.

MEN MEN MEN!!! If I were a guy, even if I were hurting inside, I will still pretend to indifferent. Because chick digs jerks, and jerks don't get upset over stupid things like chicks!

So yes. If I were male, I'll be a terrible, terrible jerk. I'll be arrogant to the point of extreme cockiness. I'll be self-centred and self-important. Sure, I don't lead a very meaningful existence, but I'll have my beer, my TV remote and best of all, my orgasms.

Don't even start on how there are some chicks who dig SNAGs. Sure there are, but these chicks are just not confident enough of scoring a popular guy. It means they are ugly, so no thanks, why would I want to screw them?

Excuse me while I burp loudly. What, your ears are not handles? Sorry, I push your head if I want to, bitch, and if you don't like it, you can get out of my house now, I have other females waiting in line.

- Sigh... Sometimes I think I am a guy inside, but why am I so short? -