Impeding Impending danger

FUCK!

*breaks into hysterics*

Have you heard of those horror stories before, where someone is blessed with a talent for something, and then suddenly it is taken away from him/her?

Truthfully I haven't heard of such stories, but I suppose it does happen on Hollywood movies, you know, to punish the lead to treasure his blessings and whatever, he would learn his lesson and a lightning bolt would hit him and his would be able to act/write/sing again, except now he is all kindly.

I think I am losing the ability to blog!

I mean, I used to be able to just sit here and type rubbish, and the rubbish would turn out to be amazingly funny and interesting. And when I finish, I go like, "wow, that turned out good!" and go to sleep without thinking much about it.

I think I will lose my blogging talent when 28th of April arrives!

Why 28th you ask. COZ LAO NIANG WOULD BE 22 ON THAT DATE!

I will be so old! No offense to you older people, but damn! My life will become more and more disinteresting!

I can't even complain about rubbish anymore and have people say "Oh, that's cute, she's so young." Suddenly, I don't represent the youth opinion of Singaporeans anymore, coz I am a middle aged adult now.

Soon (7 days, you fuckers) I will completely lose the ability to blog, and people would stop coming to my site.

The last curious readers would come here, shake their heads sadly, and mumble, "Oh, this is boring..." and dejectedly open up mrbrown.com instead and listen to his podcasts.

A few people would still ask sometimes, when gossip goes slow, "Where has the interesting Xiaxue gone to?" but seriously, no one really cares.

A newer, younger generation of bloggers will scurry along, eager to have a job where they literally do nothing. Photoshop will go way beyond 7 into CS23.7, where these new bloggers are the masters - they would thus be prettier than I can ever transform myself.

They would mumble a random controversial statement ("I use handicapped toilets!") and the nation would hold its breath, saying in awe, "SUCH GUTS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!".

I will then be forced to work a day job, where I will become an admin clerk.

My life will be fattening because I sit at a desk the whole day, and thus I will be forced into a diet of salad and cuppucinos.

I'll take up smoking and my favourite brand of clothes will become gg>5 (fav outlet Raffles place coz it is so near), my favourite shoes Charles and Keith. There I will be, walking everyday to work from Tanjong Pager Mrt, and my colleagues will all be nice and wear cardigans/blazers.

I'll stop going clubbing coz "it is so tiring - and I'm too old", and instead go hang out at Balaclava where, for once, I don't have to hear my colleagues talk coz the bloody band is playing (yay).

I don't want. :(

I'm tired. Shall go sleep and wake up with even less blogging talent.

Yeah yeah dwindle away all you want. You will be missing out I tell you! *averts eyes* Yes indeed you will! I will, I will, be, erm, writing as a failed blogger tomorrow! Oh wait I already am.

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:D

Happy birthday to my bff!!!!!!



22? SO OLD. And also quite ugly. Hahaha

Everyone say Happy Birthday!

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Boring Monday

It is so boring! I can't believe my sleep time is back to normal again! (slept at 2am, woke up at 11.37am, chao turtle, wake up so early for fuck, all my friends are still sleeping)

I kinda slept early yesterday night coz Mike was away on a wedding and could only be back home (where his internet and computer is) NOW, but due to some plane fuck-up he can only come back by tonight, and thus I am awake and bored.

I've got nothing to do at home!

I wanna play mahjong.

I have finished surfing the tabloids for today, and I have watched all the dvds I wanted to watch, and I am bored.

I know I have already said I am bored like a gazillion times and this is possibly making you bored as well, but that's good.

Anyway, yesterday I wanted Gu huo zai (anyone remembers that show?! Damn old school!) part III again, the classic one where Gigi Lai dies after being raped (cue that song gan xin ti dai ni), and I felt an irresistable urge to date an ah beng again.

[Gu huo zai means "gangsters" in Hong Kong, and the show has Ekin Cheng, Jordan Chan in it, if you remember...]

As far as ah bengs are concerned, I think Mike is as far from ah beng as there can be, and I felt quite sad for a moment thinking about this.

Then it occurred to me that Ekin Cheng's girlfriend got raped (by a short and ugly guy no less) and then killed, so hey, maybe it is not that great to date an ah beng afterall.

And besides, local bengs are useless. It's only the Hong Kong mafia that's cool. They wear couture and date celebrities - all while holding a parang to chop people up. *whistles* The local bengs only squat around discuss their new hair dye colours... Cheh.

Anyway something has been bothering me recently.

People are calling me an spg. FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!

How is it that I can be an SPG when all the guys I have been together with were all Chinese (and one 1/4 Indian too), before Mike?

It puzzles me that when people hear my boyfriend is Caucasian, the first thing they come up with is, Oh, you must like him coz he is white. The second thing they come up with is, depending on how sexual they are, that either Mike has money, or has a long penis.

Why can't it be that I like his smothering good looks, or that I like him adoring me, or that he is smart, or that he smells nice, or his supreme talent in juggling (which he doesn't have) or something?

Stereotypes. But it's ok, coz stereotyping is inevitable.

Especially when there are so many spgs around.

Don't call me an SPG!!!! SPGs date fat, balding, loser Caucasians, and Mike is none of that.

And SPGs have STDs. I don't. I think. Fuck, what's this itch... OH, A MUSHROOM!! (I'm joking)

Kelvin told me sometime before, that he met this friend's friend who is a self-proclaimed SPG. She deems Asian guys as being of a lower calibre, and that she would never date, ie, a local guy, coz yadda yadda, whatever racist reasons.

Now the thing is, she is fucking fat and ugly.

There she is, yapping on about how she would never date a Chinese guy, and there Kelvin is, thinking, yeah, like any decent Chinese guy would wanna date YOU.

Classic case of sour grapes. You know you can't get a decent local guy, and therefore you say you wanna only date angmohs.

SPGs = losers.

Now angmohs - how many times have you seen a fat, balding, Caucasian male walking along the streets of Holland Village holding a young, but ridiculously ugly Filipino/Thai/insert random SEA country girl?

Why, if Caucasians are so superior (according to the spgs anyway), are they dating these disgusting chicks?

Maybe because there are old, fugly, loser Caucasians around who can't get any better white chicks in their own country.

Think about it, a fat, middle-aged American man in America, can possibly pork a chick that's close to his calibre, ie, fat and middle-aged.

Whoa! When he comes to Asia, the spgs all flock to him, because US currency is bigger than the SGD, and he is king. That, and the fact that his sperm breeds Eurasian babies.

He would have a choice of either a young ugly spg speaking with a fake accent, or a middle-aged white chick.

The white chick sounds like a better choice, you say.

That's true, but see, 1stly, the middle-aged white chick possibly is educated and works for her own living, meaning she will not give in to any chauvinistic behaviour the guy has.

The spg, however, is possibly less able of earning her own keep (think Thai hookers), and thus would give in to any shit the guy gives her.

Secondly, angmohs have a warped concept of Asian beauty (with the exception of Mike who has very good taste), and flat noses, small eyes, zero class (sorry, but I am thinking of domestic helpers milling along Liat Towers) and long labias - every single fucking thing can be credited and accepted due to "Oh well, she's Asian, it's normal for her race to look like that."

Fuck, there are Asians who look like this, and there are Asians who look like this:



(reason why I chose Cecilia Cheung is coz she is dating an angmoh guy too, and no one would call her an SPG, coz she is not with zero class)

So no, not all Asian girls look like those sluts you see in porn with their brown labias, pig nose and fake tits. There are those who have class too.

Some of you said I was contradicting myself when I said I was disgusted with the farangs in Thailand dating Thai girls.

Oh? How is that contradictory? I deem myself as an educated, above-average looking girl. I am not a gogo bar dancer who hooked up and married the angmoh who stuffed a few hundred baht down my ass crack.

Therefore, whenever I hear some Caucasian male go like, "I like Asian chicks," my immediate reaction is that he possibly likes the porn-star low-class sort, and this pisses me off coz I am bundled in the same group as these girls just coz I am Asian.

And of course, if you haven't understood it yet, I do think of myself as being superior to these girls.

In any case, it's a perfect match isn't it? The spg can't get any Asian guys who are better, and the old Caucasian male can get a young white girl either.

Asian men should stop getting pissed off that there are spgs around looking down on you. Coz now you know: You won't want disgusting spgs either.

On a different note, Eileen (Tan) and I were talking about penis sizes that day. I told her that it is a natural way of things for races to fuck within their races, because penis and vagina sizes of each race is possibly best fitted for each other.

If the Asian man has a smaller penis (stats here. I'm not trying to be racist), then he should screw the Asian girl, since Asian girls are smaller in stature and would have, well, tighter genitals.

(stop trying to say I am contradicting myself. Just coz I say it "should" be that way doesn't mean I must follow it. I also say we "should" be nice to the ozone layer but I still use my fridge.)

Eileen then frowned and said then isn't it better if White men went for Asian girls, thus resulting in great pleasure for both sexes?

I then frowned at her and said, "Then lidat the Asian guys and the White chicks screw who?"

Eileen laughed and said the White chicks can go for the Black guys...

I laughed and said that would leave the Black girls to have really bad sex with the Asian guys. Ha. *dry laughter*

This entry possibly offends the whole world. Anyway, there are obvious exceptions to the scenarios I managed, so there might just be rare case that when an old balding white guy likes a young, jobless asian chick, they might just have true love - and are not together just coz they both can't get any better.

---

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:(

I have absolutely nothing interesting to write about.

I've failed you all as a full-time blogger.

I'll go kill myself now, and end this misery.

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Retro partying

I just have a lot of clubbing photos to post up... Beware: Lots of eye candy. :D

Tattinger Sky Lounge!

Went with Eileen to MoS again - Sky first!



There I saw Shan and Jeffy, with their friends!





And saw Rosalyn too, with her boyfriend Wy Kidd (Me: "So is he Song or Kelly?" Rozz: "SONG LA, THEN WY KIDD KELLY AH?!" Me: "Heehee.")

I love Rozz, she is siao.


Beef FANtastic! *jarring music*



Off to 54!







We heart MoS!

Next up, Butter Factory.



It's a very happy looking place in MS, but I am a disgusting spoilt princess so I refuse to pay for clubbing unless it is a super big event or overseas.

Why should girls pay for clubbing? It is ridiculous. We lure the men in, and the men buy us drinks. That's how it works.

Thus, Russell and I scooted off to play mahjong instead.

I think blogging spoilt me so much. Nowadays I refuse to pay for manicures or hair styling or other things - like clubbing... I just expect them to be free. Wtf. I sound so uppity, I feel like slapping myself as I write this.

(Speaking of which, I got my Pure membership card! Yay! Thanks MoS!)









During mahjong I attempted to take off my contact lens without sufficiently cleaning my fingers... thus resulting... in... yawn... a sore eye again.

The same damn eye gotten at the same place while doing the same thing: Russell's place during a mahjong session.

I can't believe I'm so stupid. That's it, no more fucking around with eyecare.

MoS again, with Kel, Russ, Max, and a few of his friends from KL.




Love this photo


Handsome ah, girls? VJ Max! Single too! Go go go




Max's friends from KL



That's it. Took forever to add those groovy colours and words. *yawn*

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Why don't these people get it?

Recently I keep seeing disgusting people.

It is ok to be disgusting, I think, but it is very annoying when disgusting people do not ever admit they are disgusting?

Same as when dumb people act like they are all smart and tries to give you advice.

I mean, sometimes, it is kinda obvious people are laughing at you. Either you laugh with them (ie at yourself too), or you stop being a clown. You really shouldn't pretend that the attention you are getting is glamour, or because you are good-looking or talented, because you are really not.

I tell you, I am sibeh suay.

Yesterday I was playing mahjong at Sandra's place, and at the background on the TV flashed this girl.

The "full-time model", as she self-proclaimed, was acting! Wow, I guess this means she is an actress and thus is like all jazzed up and red carpet and whatever.

Not. She acted as a slutty SPG, and on screen she was touching an gross fat angmoh in what blind people would presume to be a seductive manner.

You know, those TV extras with no acting skills whatsoever, and seeing them act makes you want to weep and kill all the babies so that the human race dies out?

(At this point you people should realise I have a personal vendetta against her - and that is because she is the one who set up the petition to ban me from Orchard Road. HAHAHA! Won't it be funny if it came true?


Me: *walks into Orchard road*

-SUDDENLY A TRIO OF BURLY POLICEMEN WALK OUT AND BLOCKS ME WITH SHIELDS -

Policeman: Are you Xiaxue?! Sorry miss, you are banned from Orchard Road.

Me: Oh? Oh sorry sir, I forgot... *meek voice* I guess I would have to shop at City Hall then.

Policeman: *grunts*)

Back to this girl, everyone of us playing mahjong just started laughing and hysterically pointing out her more obvious flaws, like the fact that the space in between her brow and her eye can fit in another 3 of her eyes - the space is that big and her eyes are that small. Ahem.

Well after seeing her I just starting losing money. Suay.

The thing is, I cannot understand. There you are, acting as a slut with an STD on a TV show... You are not a lead, you are an extra. Which part of that sounds like a glamourous job to you?

But yet these people can call themselves "full-time model"s. Where does that kind of delusion come from?

Speaking in the same rein, I received an email from Steven Lim yesterday, asking me to go down to Mediacorp to support him in that loser of a show he is in.

I can't think of another show that can so effectively put losers in their place, but yet, it doesn't seem to be working, coz these losers have their delusion powered on SO high, they won't get it no matter what.

Imagine, you are on a show specifically for losers - losers who constantly join contests to gain fame, but yet always fail.

Isn't that kinda obvious enough that people just want to laugh at you?

Looking at him on TV the night before was so painful. There he was, with awkward darty eyes and his yellow toga, dancing to some cheap song and relating some sob story.

To add to my cringing, he sent me this:

If possible, pls do some homemade good gesture encouragement paper, like "go go Steven" etc....or do your own " Xiaxue.blogspot supports Steven" to ad your blog....i come in peace

The idea of me appearing appearing on that show for a flash second holding the banner "go go Steven" is so laughable, that I actually choked when I read that email.

WHY DON'T THESE PEOPLE GET IT??

And how are you supposed to break it to them gently that they are being so so so very disgustingly deluded about themselves?

I replied to dear Steven that I cringed when I saw him on tv, and if I see him in real life I would spasm and die, so no thanks.

He replied:

huh?????????????????? dun like that lah...support lah...... I will mention you in my website i m grateful to u one.........make some special appearance la.... if you support me, i will have more confidence............. pls..........i beg u....i m friendly guy one..

His exchange for me going down to support him and holding my homemade good gesture banner is... *drum roll*

An honourary mention on his website.

*pukes and flops around, dead*

If you don't find his absurdness funny enough, here's one more thing Steven Lim suggested to me:

That I change my top banner to a photo of him and I together, and he would pay me $500 for two years.

That would be $0.69 per day. (Thanks to Shuyin who went to calculate)

Thank you very much, I would love to do that for you, Steven.


As if it is not enough that I am tormented by these two people, a 3rd person also came into the picture.

If you guys remember, in the Going Nautical II entry I mentioned lightly in passing that the FHM King card is the ugliest among the colourful array of people featured in the cards.

Most people looking like this:

(the guy, not the girl, stupid)

Would have no problems with someone saying that he is the ugliest among a deck of cards featuring FHM girls, but no....

Someone's a petty little bitch.

Here's the email he sent me:

I can agree that some of the gals on the deck are quite how u say, nnot so appealing, however u do fail to realise the fact tht they ARE at least imortalised on a deck of playing cards.. I'll be dying to see when YOUR face will be on one as well..

Why am i saying this?? coz of a comment u made about the king being the ugliest of the lot. Yeah to each his own n u have the right to say whatever u wan on yr blog but u have to be responsible for your own actions. What u said has created trouble between me n a close fren of mine n u wanna know why?? COZ I'M THE KING! If FHM were so stupid as to hire someone like me to do shoots like tht for them ( FYI i have been posing for FHM for half a year from Jan 2005- June 2005) then i guess it's their loss right?? But if u check back to a past issues i have had 2 fan mail written to the mag n published as letters of the month. So if i am as UGLY as u say i am then i guess loads of these ppl are jus blind n stupid yah??

Lastly, If u think u r so damn great n pretty, how is it tht izzy got the job at FHM instead of u?? i'm dying to see when YOUR face appears on the cover of FHM. Maxim is number 2 in SG girl.. FHM still reigns supreme.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely, Jeremy the FHM KING!

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....

Fucking funny!

Aren't such people so very amazing?

Firstly, it is ok for him to say that some of the FHM girls are ugly, but I just can't say he is ugly.

And secondly, it is not ok for me to "attack" someone (and my comment wasn't even personal to begin with), but his defence is to attack whatever he deems to be a weak point with me - which is that Izzy (Izzy who?) is writing for FHM instead of me.

(In case idiots are nodding along with his point that SPG "got that job instead of me", I'd have to explain that FHM's editor jumped ship to Maxim, which is why I wrote for Maxim instead of FHM. That, and the current editor is angmoh. Hmmm.)



Don't say I am mean. He started it and he is asking for it. I don't really think I'm pretty, but I just had to say that to shut him up.

Anyway, as I said, some people are so deluded, they will never get an insult. I mean they do "get" it of course, but they think everyone just has something personal against them, so these insults are never ever accurate.

I'm not going to allow any comments for this blog entry, so you all can just save your breath.

Can't be bothered with dumb people.

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Fuck you mac evangelists

Hahahaha!

Mac evangelists are so TYPICAL.

Firstly, contrary to popular opinion by idiots (really, intellect is GROSSLY underrated), I do not dislike Apple products.

How am I supposed to dislike Apple products when I have never used one in my life? I mean, of course I have used my friends' ipods sometimes, and they have never exploded in my hands, ignited into flames and subsequently singed my eyebrows, so I doubt there is any reason for me to dislike them.

Haha the image of an ipod exploding in my hands and scorching my brows just made me laugh hahaha imagine that.

Back to the angry topic.

I do not dislike Apple products. I am indifferent to them. They do not affect my life, and even their store is at Wheelock minding it's own business (ha, clever pun Wendy!) so it really doesn't affect me.

WHAT I DISLIKE AT THE IDIOTS WHO GO ON AND GO ABOUT APPLE.

Another accusation I had is that I claimed that everyone who uses Apple is a loser.

Now, if that is true, when you see Momo around, please shove an ipod into her hands and say gently, "Auntie, please use this!"

Momo will be like, "Huh, why?" and after some persuasion she might try it.

With this, you have effectively made me call my mom a loser and that would make me very angry with myself.

Unfortunately you can never do that before I have never said that EVERYONE who uses an ipod is a loser.

I am only talking about the people who buy ipods simply for the sake of appearing cool, to compensate for their deformed genitals and thus, lack of confidence.

If you are not one of these losers (check your genitals to confirm), then stop bristling over nothing coz I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.

How do we identify an Apple loser then?

Simple.


1) He puts down PCs all the time.

While Microsoft have never done anything truely damaging to him, he feels the absolute need to put something down in order for himself to seem superior.

Typical Apple Losers will tell you that PCs have a lot of viruses and his iMac/iBook is perpetually stable.

When you loosely mention that it is very fun to nudge people on MSN and that macs can't do that, an Apple Loser will sneer and just walk away with his chin up. While rolling his eyes and listening to his godly ipod, of course.

Oh, you wretched thing. It is so sad that an Apple Loser now thinks that you are beneath his higher existence of mere MSN nudging.

[ Big digression: Speaking of MSN, I cannot understand why MSN would provide Apple users with their product. Let them go talk among themselves all the time and see whether they still wanna use Apple computers. I know, I know... Apple people will just transform MSN into Apple-friendly themselves, but still, at least let them do a bit of work, yeah?

Imagine this scenario:

Potential iBook buyer: How much is this iBook?

Salesman: Oh, $2000. And also, you can't use MSN on this.

PiBB: Oh! WHY??? Omg! Is it because MSN belongs to Microsoft?! I think I shall stick to PCs!

Salesman: *Sings* Another one bites the dust! Another one bites the dust! ]

Coming back to the "virus" situation of why Apple products are so way superior to PCs, I would like to give this analogy:

Really ugly girl: "I have no STDS."

It doesn't mean much, really, if you don't get fucked simply coz you are less popular. If Mac evangelism came true one day (bless us all), and Apples ever got as popular as Microsoft did, then come show me you don't get viruses, and I will say yes, surely you are superior.

Asswipes.


2) He constantly puts down Creative/Sim Wong Hoo.

Just like Microsoft has killed his entire family, the Apple Loser (man, I should trademark this), ahem excuse me, the Apple Loser® acts like Mr Sim ate up his iPod and forced him to use a Zeeon.


Sim: USE THIS!

Apple Loser®: NOOOOOOO! NEVER!!!

Sim: Aha! You won't huh? YOU SURE?

Apple Loser®: YES! Never! Even if I get sodomised! *gets secretly excited*

Sim: EH! I will... I will... I will eat up your iPod!

Apple Loser®: Please don't! *puts bunny ears on himself and wears a fishnet stocking*

Sim: Why are you dressed like that?! Anyway! *proceeds to eat up iPod*

Apple Loser®: GAH! NOW I HAVE TO USE A ZEEON!!! I hate you I hate you!

Sim: MUahahahaha

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Ahem. That aside, here are the typical things an Apple Loser® says about Creative:

- Copying ipod

Kudos to them if they can copy your product and sell it for a better price. If you find that so unjustified, go sue.

Or or you know what they can do? They can go copy some soundcards, and sell it for a cheaper price! Woohoo! (Hear the Apple losers® go like, "But Apple is better than that!")

Whatever man, it's just an mp3 player. Chill.

- Inferior quality

Inferior quality for a cheaper price? That qualifies it. Shall we now move on to features?

Specs taken from here and here (I chose players where both are 30 gigs):

Weight:
Apple 136g
Creative 163g
= Apple

LCD
Apple: 2.5-inch (diagonal) color LCD with LED backlight
Creative: 2.5" LCD @ 320 x 240 Color Display 262,144 colours
= Creative?

Audio format
Apple: AAC, MP3, MP3 VBR, Audible, Apple Lossless, WAV, AIFF
Creative: MP3, WMA, WAV
= Creative (What the hell is Apple Lossless? I think I prefer WMA.)

Video format
Apple: mpeg, m4v, mp4 and mov
Creative: DivX™ 4 & 55, XviD5, MPEG-1, MPEG-2, MPEG4-SP, WMV9, Motion-JPEG
= Creative: (DivX movies!)

Radio
Apple: None whatsoever
Creative: 32 preset stations
= Creative:

I think this is enough said. I really don't care if Apple compensates in other ways like being more stable/hardy/has other functions.

My player is sponsored and I really don't need to give a shit about such things. The only reason why I am comparing specs is to prove to you mac evangelists that iPods are not just as perfect as you think it is.


3) He gets very angry when people say that iPods/iBooks are no big deal

Having no other life than to be a slave to a piece of machinery, the Apple Losers® will risk leg and limb to quarrel and sever all friendship with whoever insults his Apple products.

Well that's that.

I find it very ludicrous that people actually think that if Apple were to sponsor me with an iPod, I would be writing bad stuff about Creative.

Well let me tell you this...

I won't, firstly because I have been using Creative before I got my vision:M, and that would make me a big idiot if I suddenly switched to Apple. Secondly, I support local products and I am proud of Creative.

Right from the very start I have always wanted to be endorsed by Creative (I am not), and never Apple. That's because I won't accept products endorsements that aren't ME. That's just so hypocritical. That would mean, if Apple were to give me their best player now, I'll possibly reject them.

Apple is no longer just a brand name. It's a religion now. The funny thing about religions is that you kinda just can't insult it nor even doubt it, or people will get angry and start massacres or burning Danish flags.

If you still don't get my point, here's the Scientology episode that was banned - spot the similarities.

Mike: "Hey baby have you heard about the South Park episode? It is now banned! I think there is a case called "Scientology VS The Internet". They are sueing the internet!!"

I don't like religion. I think it causes way more trouble than it's worth.

Postnote: Haha, check out the mac evangelists yapping away in the comments!

Yeah yeah, I am a product whore (so dumb, if I were a product whore I think I won't be talking like this about Apple Losers coz I won't burn bridges...), Creative paid me to write this entry (WHICH THEY DIDN'T), I am ignorant (I have used a mac in school previously for design... It is a $10,000 iMac which hung all the time, and everyone hated it), and I am being malicious for the seek of getting attention.

Every other reason they can think of... Except one: That it's true they are fucking annoying the shite out of people by preaching about Apple all the time.

Losers.

Stop going on and on about how mac is superior and how you can now use Windows on a Mac.

The bottomline is: I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT.

What I care about is I make my stand clear that Apple preaching is annoying, so stop it already.

Amazing how successful marketing can turn the common lemming into a complete brainwashed idiot.

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